"Don't Worry, Be Happy"

“Look on the bright side.” “Good vibes only.” “Think happy thoughts.” “Be positive!” These are some examples of phrases we have all heard, be it a friend or a relative saying it, or even ourselves. On the surface, these seem like harmless quotes; the intention being to remain positive while facing any situation. What’s wrong with looking on the bright side of things all the time, right? Wrong. These sayings fall under the phenomenon of toxic positivity. Toxic positivity is defined as the belief that no matter how dire or difficult a situation is, people should maintain a positive mindset. In simple terms, this refers to having an optimistic outlook on everything.

We’ve all been guilty of this at some point in our lives. We all have brushed aside some feelings in an attempt to stay “positive”, because that is what we’re taught growing up, to face everything with a smile on your face. We’re also guilty of doing the same thing to our own friends and family. A friend gets a low mark in their test and we say “At least you didn’t completely fail”. Someone loses a loved one, and we say “Everything happens for a reason”. When we say things like this, our aim might not be to disregard people’s feelings, but we are still feeding into the toxic mindset that we should focus on the good, never the bad.

There is no denying that it is good to have a positive view on life. We should all definitely be grateful for all that we have. However, it doesn’t mean that we don’t get to be upset about a certain situation just because someone else has it worse. Of course, there are always going to be people that are worse off than us in many ways, and while we should be thankful that we are blessed, we are also allowed to be sad, angry or upset. It is extremely unhealthy to always be in that state of mind wherein we suppress our negative emotions. At some point, being excessively cheerful at all times will take a toll on any human being’s mental health.

An excellent example of this is the COVID-19 pandemic. These past two years have undoubtedly been the hardest for billions of people. We’ve all faced so much change in such a short time, and I can safely say that everyone’s mental health is not in a good state. I know on a personal level that I have not been as affected by the pandemic as others have, and not a day goes by that I am not grateful for this. I am lucky enough to be able to attend school and receive an education from the safety of my home, and a lot of others in the same situation would agree with me. But there is also no denying that this time has also been hard on me, as well as my friends and family. It seems so hypocritical to complain when so many people have lost so much, and we should definitely be mindful of this, but repressing what we’ve gone through is also very dangerous. This extremely stressful year has taken its toll in different ways on every single one of us, be it big or small. We’re all collectively battling feelings of loneliness, anxiety, and the fear of getting sick. The first step to take is to admit that we’re not doing okay, and knowing that there is absolutely nothing wrong in acknowledging that.

So why isn’t it good to always be optimistic? How can remaining positive be harmful? Not a single one of us leads a perfect life with no problems. We all face various difficulties, and with that, face a range of emotions. Life is not always going to be good, it’s full of ups and downs, so how can we expect ourselves and others to always be happy and cheerful? We cannot choose which emotions to feel, and which to suppress. It simply is not possible. Saying “happiness is a choice” leads to people believing that it is their own fault for having negative or “bad” thoughts and emotions, when this is not at all fair to them, or even true.

Toxic positivity denies people the authentic support that they need to cope with what they are facing. It invalidates what a person is going through during a difficult time. There is this pressure we feel to not let our negative emotions be seen, and to always come across as happy. Hence, a very toxic cycle has been created in our society. We may think we are being helpful when we tell someone to “look at the bright side” when they are going through something painful, but really, we are just disregarding their very valid feelings. Even when we tell ourselves affirmations like these, we are prevented from coping with our emotions. It may seem easier to just suppress our negative emotions but in the long run, it is extremely unhealthy, not to mention impossible.

Different experiences lead to different emotions, and it is important to deal with all these feelings. We have to learn to accept the good, as well as the bad. It is normal to feel stressed and anxious in certain situations and we should not expect ourselves to be functioning at a hundred percent 24/7. As human beings, our emotions are complicated, and we are allowed to feel more than one emotion at once. It is good to be hopeful and positive, but not at the expense of our mental health. At the end of the day, we all face difficulties, worries and stress in our lives and we should give everyone, including ourselves, the opportunity to deal with all our emotions, whether good or bad, in a healthy manner. In an effort to be fair to ourselves and others, remember that it is okay to not be okay.

Sources –

· verywellmind.com

· healthline.com

· theconversation.com